Posts
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
SuperNova's
Forget the panic which has now reached galactical proportions... I am now Super Super Nervous (or in my own attempt at an African accent.... SupaNovas) and am radiating extensive amounts of nervous energy. So much so that I am finding it particularly difficult to sleep.
I already have a huge problem with sleep - a cute little problem but never the less a sleep depriver called Sienna, so it is not like I need less sleep - in fact I could do with a whole lot more sleep - 2 hours a night is just not cutting it. What little grey matter I have left, does not function well, under these conditions.
Yes, I should be trying to sleep now, but I tried earlier and failed so, when my mind wont let go my fingers usually do, thus the ranting and raving you see before you.
Sleep deprivation tends to increase the proportional size of problems about 100 fold and what could be seen as challenges become insurmountable insolvable problems.
Today I am at the No Money, No life, No friends, No point stage where I am wondering how God could have blessed me with such an Angel knowing full well I was not capable of providing everything I would like to her.
I am stressing about everything from my home life, my studies, my job, my life in general and having a severe case of lack of confidence that I will be able to do any of it at all let alone do it well.
But hopefully tonight I will sleep and when she wakes me up with those adorable butterfly kisses, I will forget that we have so little money and time and just be grateful for what we do have, love, family and each other.
I already have a huge problem with sleep - a cute little problem but never the less a sleep depriver called Sienna, so it is not like I need less sleep - in fact I could do with a whole lot more sleep - 2 hours a night is just not cutting it. What little grey matter I have left, does not function well, under these conditions.
Yes, I should be trying to sleep now, but I tried earlier and failed so, when my mind wont let go my fingers usually do, thus the ranting and raving you see before you.
Sleep deprivation tends to increase the proportional size of problems about 100 fold and what could be seen as challenges become insurmountable insolvable problems.
Today I am at the No Money, No life, No friends, No point stage where I am wondering how God could have blessed me with such an Angel knowing full well I was not capable of providing everything I would like to her.
I am stressing about everything from my home life, my studies, my job, my life in general and having a severe case of lack of confidence that I will be able to do any of it at all let alone do it well.
But hopefully tonight I will sleep and when she wakes me up with those adorable butterfly kisses, I will forget that we have so little money and time and just be grateful for what we do have, love, family and each other.
Friday, March 19, 2010
MmmmmPolweni
Today was the day of First contact so, like a child before Christmas, I hardly slept and had so many thoughts running through my mind.
Excitement gripped me from the start masking the inner fear of the reality.
Here I am about to embark on a journey which will either have a positive or negative effect on a group of disadvantaged learners depending on how prepared I am. I find that so daunting.
I feel insufficiently prepared with regards to content and although I realise that textbooks are there to aid us (provided they are available) and that we cant know everything, I still feel as though I should know everything.
It has been sooooo long since I last did the content. I have been out in the working world for a while, hardly using any of the knowledge I acquired, and that saying really is true.... "If you don't use it, You loose it."
So saying that, it looks like I will be spending this vacation studying the relevant content so i am Au fait enough with it to teach and feel comfortable doing it.
I spoke with the Physical Science teachers and they should be covering Chemical change & Wave, sound and light during the time I am there. Not too daunting, I think??
In Life Science I will be doing Life Processes in plants and animals, not sure what I will be covering in the Mathematics syllabus though as we ran out of time.
It will be interesting to see if the other PGCE students are covering the same work at the different schools or if there will be a big difference in the sequence of the curriculum.
It seems rather ironic that the subject I am least confident in is the one where there is the most need in this school and the one which I am most confident in the need is not as great. I suppose it is meant to be so in order for me to gain confidence in those ares in which I need it.
So begins the journey.... watch this space.....
Excitement gripped me from the start masking the inner fear of the reality.
Here I am about to embark on a journey which will either have a positive or negative effect on a group of disadvantaged learners depending on how prepared I am. I find that so daunting.
I feel insufficiently prepared with regards to content and although I realise that textbooks are there to aid us (provided they are available) and that we cant know everything, I still feel as though I should know everything.
It has been sooooo long since I last did the content. I have been out in the working world for a while, hardly using any of the knowledge I acquired, and that saying really is true.... "If you don't use it, You loose it."
So saying that, it looks like I will be spending this vacation studying the relevant content so i am Au fait enough with it to teach and feel comfortable doing it.
I spoke with the Physical Science teachers and they should be covering Chemical change & Wave, sound and light during the time I am there. Not too daunting, I think??
In Life Science I will be doing Life Processes in plants and animals, not sure what I will be covering in the Mathematics syllabus though as we ran out of time.
It will be interesting to see if the other PGCE students are covering the same work at the different schools or if there will be a big difference in the sequence of the curriculum.
It seems rather ironic that the subject I am least confident in is the one where there is the most need in this school and the one which I am most confident in the need is not as great. I suppose it is meant to be so in order for me to gain confidence in those ares in which I need it.
So begins the journey.... watch this space.....
Monday, March 8, 2010
First Practical for PGCE
If Panic had a sound.... what would it sound like?Perhaps it might sound like the combination of my heart beating in my ears, an internal screeching sound and each cell in my body visibly shaking within their cell walls?
Am I over reacting? Probably !
I suppose it is the fear of the unknown, the fear of failure or maybe it is just that I dont know how I am going to fit this all in....
Today I found out I will be placed at Mpolweni for my first school placement. It is a rural school on the Greytown road
Dont get me wrong, I'm really excited but the panic has definately set in. I hope i am able to contribute and make a difference at the school as well as learn from the experienced teachers there.
Dont get me wrong, I'm really excited but the panic has definately set in. I hope i am able to contribute and make a difference at the school as well as learn from the experienced teachers there.
It is quite a way to travel everyday but it is in the country side and the trip will give me time to reflect on the day ahead and the day that has passed, so that when I get home to my little girl whom I shall miss so much, I can focus on her totally until bed time. Then while she is sweetly dreaming I can focus on the tasks for the next day.
I am so tempted to press this panic button but I am going to take a deep breath instead and be thankful that I have this amazing opportunity.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
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